The org chart, restructured
Effective upon Graham's release, the following changes to household reporting structure and headcount take effect. HR (Caiti) has reviewed and approved all promotions below.
Joe & Caiti Bettger
Co-Founders & Co-CEOs
Transitioning to a high-availability, always-on rotation. Sleep reserves currently being audited by an outside firm; results pending.
Alfred Bettger
Senior Brother (Promoted)
Elevated from Sole Heir and Chief of Chaos to Senior Brother. New duties include toy management, snack diplomacy, and leading by bipedal example.
Lola
Head of Ground Security
Role expanding to include high-chair spill recovery and perimeter defense around the new bassinet, in addition to existing kitchen-floor operations. Gains two new direct reports below.
Stella
Canine Ops — Reports to Lola
At 9, still a senior team member in her own right — but Lola's got two years of tenure on her, so the reporting line stays put.
Graham Bettger
Incoming — Reports to Lola
The reason for all of the above. Start date estimated October 2026. Reports to Lola pending final org confirmation. Onboarding buddy: Alfred. Direct reports: none yet, but give it time.
- All promotions are effective immediately upon Graham's start date and are non-negotiable, per Alfred.
- Lola's expanded role includes a 10% increase in treats, pending budget approval from Investor Relations and sign-off from the vet.
- Stella and Graham both now report to Lola, effective immediately. Final chain-of-command review pending Lola's approval.
- No layoffs are planned. Headcount only ever goes up around here.